A little about me...

I grew up in Christian home...you know what I mean...church on Sunday...youth on Sunday night...and that...was...it. I mean we prayed at dinner and occasionally talked of God, but I can't say that I ever saw a sold out faith. So I grew up thinking because I was "sprinkled" as a baby I was going to make it through the pearly gates and see Jesus face to face! I praise God daily for not taking me out of this world when I was younger, because I most assuredly would have gone to hell (along with many other fine "christians")! You see, Jesus wasn't a passion of mine...I can't even honestly say that He was a fleeting thought on most days...but He was there all along nonetheless. Looking back on my life, it's crystal clear that His divine hand was upon me. He kept me from going to jail, from serious drug addictions, from alcoholism, from STD's, from unplanned pregnancies, from death. Now you may be thinking that, that list should have enough to get my attention, but it wasn't. I was the captain of my own ship...Jesus at best was a deck hand. I called His name when there was a mess, we'd talk for that brief moment...then it was back below deck for Him and off to navigate my life for me. I was out of control...my mind was constantly intoxicated and my thought life was filled with lust. Life didn't feel bad...only uncomfortable at times. I refused to yield any ownership of my life to something I could not see or hear...

I was in "love" three times before meeting my wife. The first was a high school relationship that lasted for a couple of years. I dated for a while after that and then a year or so later met this other girl and yet another relationship was started. This one lasted for what felt like forever. I think it was roughly three years. I "learned" A TON of information from this relationship. I "learned" what it was like to love unconditionally and to be loved with conditions. I "learned" that I was hard to be around and that I could never do anything right. I "learned" that I was worthless and that my heart was only good for breaking and mending back together again for someone else's amusement. I "learned" that I was the reason that nothing ever went right around me. I "learned" that I was replaceable to everyone who cared about me. I "learned" that someone like me doesn't deserve to be loved. Once this relationship ended...I bounced right into another relationship...only now I brought more baggage than a 747! All of the things that I "learned" from the previous realtionship...I became. I was in all ways detastable. I hated me. I had been reduced to a hollow shell and there was nothing (or so I thought) to fill the void. I spent a couple years with this person..robbing them of the very same things that I was robbed of for the three prior years. Jerk doesn't accurately describe me. I thought...maybe if I seek counseling from the wisdom of educated men (i.e. Shrinks and their medicine doctors) they could fix me...to my utter amazement...they did...but only as long as I could fight myself into thinking I was better...it's incredible the damage that can be done to your psyche after years of verbal abuse. Once this relationship came to an end...I met my beautiful wife!

My wife and I were inseperable from pretty much the beginning of our relationship till now. Every waking minute of the day I spent thinking of her! I would go to work and would count the hours then the minutes till I could see her face. She was and still is the very best part of me. She had this way of making me feel...fixed...without the help of a shrink or medication...or drugs...or alcohol (please don't think that the drugs and alcohol went away...I could use them now for enjoyment...not simply to sustain myself). She could make me laugh in a way that my soul smiled. She was (and still is) the love of my life. In the beginning of our relationship...we had what some might call...some problems. Her family wasn't really digging me...in all honesty...I felt like an outcast to them (all except one of her sisters and her husband and their family) but she clung to me. She stood up for me. She beat back the barage of negativity and pledged her devotion to me! I was wild for her! No one...in all my 25 or so years at the time, had EVER sacrificed what she just did for me. She may never know how much that truely meant to me. Our realtionahip, from that point on has been wonderful. I'm not saying that there wasn't any problems along the way...but since then...we've been on the same page. To back track...on our first date, we talked forever about God and the importance He would play in our lives, thus starting us out with an acknowledgement that He was going to reign supreme over us...whether we realized it or not at the time.

These relationships are very critical in my understanding of Christ...you see...before coming to Him...I saw myself as a wretch...not because of my sins or my transgressions towards my heavenly Father...but because I was, according to the people I loved (excluding my parents), a fat stupid worthless waste of air that would be better off dead than taking up space or time in anyone's life. I couldn't be loved by anyone...myself included. These women represent the world.

Then...one relationship changed all of that over time. My wife stepped in and saved me from myself. She represents Christ. She loved the least of people by loving me. She saw the potential. She lifted me up and cleaned me off. She put herself out on a limb (though not a physical one as Christ did) for me. She helped me see that I am a person that can be loved, and as a result of all of this happening...I began to let my gaurd down and let Christ in, a little at a time.

It's crazy! Now the only thing I want to do is talk about Jesus! I want to share what He's done in my life, in the life of my family (that's right...my wife and our two little ones)! I want to proclaim His grace and mercy all the time to everyone I meet. I want desperately to see "christians" come back to righteousness and be sanctified! I want to see this country filled with Jesus freaks willing to speak His Truth into others lives so that they may turn from darkness to light! I want to help a new generation not have to ever feel what I have felt or go through what I've gone through. We all have our, for lack of another word...personal hells...that we must go through...and I'm sure that others have had it much worse than me. And though I haven't walked a mile in their shoes or seen life through their eyes, I'll bet they have hurt the same as me.

There is but one answer to the pain of life...it is first the cross of Christ...recognizing the fact that Jesus took on all of the worlds iniquity and died for a sinner like me (and you if you're reading this) to give us the opportunity to have complete remission of our sins if we but confess with our mouth and believe with our heart. Secondly...and the part most folks seem to forget...we must pick up our crosses and follow Him all of our days. He gave His all for us...so why do we feel we only have to give Him 20% of our lives? He deserves all...not a portion...but all.

Reader, I plead with you if you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior...do so before you lay your head down tonight...before you do another thing. Simply pray...Lord I'm sorry for the things that I have done that have drawn a divide between us. Please forgive me of my sins. Father I want to lean wholly on you and depend on you for the rest of my days. I believe you sent your Son Jesus Christ to die for my sins and I believe that you brought Him back to life and that He has conquered the grave. I believe you did this because you love me. Please forgive me Lord. May I never be the same from this moment forward as a result of your salvation. In your Son Jesus Christ's name I pray...Amen.

If you prayed this prayer for the first time, please make your petition known so that prayer can be going up for you...whether you let me know or someone else know. Maybe you just need to recommit your life to Christ...if that's the case take a minute and pray for Jesus to come and fill your heart with all of His attributes and to give you a fresh vision for your life. I promise He will be faithful.

This whole thing I've just written may be confusing...but...as Paul stated in 1 Corinthians 2:1, I don't come to you all with excellence of speech. My entire goal with this is to see people changed...rebelling against a culture that has all but removed Christ from it.

Be blessed in all you do today!